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Life has kind of been thrown out of routine recently. I’m working two jobs right now and my body/mind is adjusting, while also looking for a new apartment and trying to maintain eating right and working out. Not to mention, making sure that God is at the forefront of all that. Whew.


I want to do something a bit different this week. I’ll still have a theme, because it helps me stay focused. However, I feel led to just lay some things out for today’s installment of The Ki Component. It’s more like one of my personal journal entries than a blog post, but I felt an extra sprinkle of transparency today. I haven’t journaled in a while, so this probably serves as a double dose of release, and I’m okay with that. So, let’s get into it.

A common Christian ideal is that when things are going terribly, a blessing MUST be on the way. The flip side of that is that good things don’t last always. I believe either statement is just a way that we try to rationalize the things that happen in our lives. Either way, sometimes it feels as though if it’s not one thing it’s another and, quite frankly, I don’t remember life being this difficult when I was living in the world. Lol. It’s like you commit to following God and then Satan is like, “Oh you want to play? Okay. Let’s play.”

Lately I feel... tested. I think that’s the best way to put it. Every time I feel like I’ve conquered something, another trial arises. Another method of temptation develops. Another battle that I must fight comes about. It’s irritating to say the least. The moment I think I’ve overcome an obstacle and moved passed it, life is like, “SIKE!” I’ve also been exposed to a new area of being tested, and I’m curious if anyone else experiences this.

Have you ever been deep in a struggle, “came out of it”, and then everyone around you starts going through the very thing you’re trying to stay away from? That has been MY LIFE here recently. Now, let’s be clear. It’s not that I have any problem whatsoever with my friends reaching out to me for spiritual support. I just find it, for lack of a better term, triggering when those instances come about. I’ll give some instances. I’m six months into my celibacy and the tables have turned because I have friends that now reach out to me when they need help navigating those areas. Never thought I’d see the day, but here we are. What about my friends that struggle with dark thoughts or depression? I’ve just now, quite recently, learned healthy ways to cope with the different aspects of life. There are more, but those are the ones that shock me every time. You’re sending people that struggle with their celibacy and that have issues with their depression to me God? Me? That’s wild.

I say all that to say, in me attempting to turn that into a negative and privately acting inconvenienced or worried, God has snatched me up, per usual. Most recently, in the 7th installment of the Marked Series from Mike Todd at Transformation Church. He challenges us to change our perspective, a necessity in this walk for sure. It’s easy to throw a pity party or to play the victim. However, God wants us to look at everything through a victor’s lens, as we are already victorious. We should never be shook but, when we forget that, we know where to turn.

I just wanted to come on here and share how I was feeling with you all. No scripture or anything, just me being open. I say this all the time, but this is so therapeutic to me. I love hearing your feedback and connecting with people in different ways. Keep me in prayer and, if you let me know what you’re struggling with in the comments, I’d love to pray for you.

Be blessed.

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