Y’all. I’m angry.
The thing is, I don’t get angry often. Irritated? Frustrated? Annoyed? Sure. But anger? Anger is rare.
But it is present today.
Never have I ever sat and cranked out a blog post in one sitting and posted it right after, but I got time today.
Last year in Dallas, Texas, a young man by the name of Botham Jean was murdered by a police officer in the comfort of his own home. Within the last few weeks, the trial has been taking place, in which the officer was convicted of murder. The sentencing was today. A white woman has been sentenced 10 years in prison for murdering an innocent black man. A white woman who won’t serve the full sentence because that’s how it works, right? 5 for good behavior, MAX. It’s a slap in the face to Bo’s family, friends, and the rest of the people his spirit touched while he was alive. That just infuriates me. People who spend their lives serving others and being a light get killed in their apartment and white cops get a slap on the wrist. I’m sick. For his family, for my city, for this country. It isn’t right.
I get in my head about these things because it really sucks to think about how many bad things happen to good people and vice versa. Why does it have to be like that? Why does God allow this type of stuff to go down? “It’s all working together for our good.” Okay, I get that, but WHY. How is Bo’s murder working together for anyone’s good? How is Amber Guyger barely getting any time in prison working for anyone’s good? This is beyond me.
So again, my anger. When I get to this point, my body is in knots. My head is pounding. My mind is racing. It’s not a good feeling at all. So, then I get to thinking, which has to be absolutely nothing but the Holy Spirit because I’m all over the place, what good am I in this state? How am I bringing glory to God while walking in anger?
I saw footage of Bo’s brother hugging the woman who murdered his brother, saying “I forgive you.” and it BROKE me. Is this what Christianity looks like? Is this what kind of energy we’re supposed to be on God? Wow. That’s crazy.
I don’t know if I’m there yet, dawg.
But I’m writing this as a way to process my feelings and, hopefully, it serves as a light to someone else who is experiencing anger in their life. Although anger is a real emotion and we have the right to feel it, God did not call us to live in or act out of our anger. We can’t stay in that place because it’ll ruin us. I learned that in therapy but also, more importantly in my bible.
Ephesians 4:26-27
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger and give no opportunity to the devil.
Bo’s case is something that is affecting me right now and I wanted to share my thoughts/emotions on it but think about something that’s pissing you off. It could be anything from someone cutting you off in traffic to a friend or family member betraying your trust. We all have our different triggers. The important thing is to not let it control you. Allow yourself to feel those emotions, give yourself time to process them, and then give it to God. Those type of animosities don’t belong on our heart. We’re called to love and forgive, and anger is the exact opposite of those things.
I don’t have all of the answers or a cute way to sign off for this post, but yeah.
Thanks for reading. ♡
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